


How Come Your Arms Are Not Around Me

by AKZoey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad Draco Malfoy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 21:19:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKZoey/pseuds/AKZoey
Summary: Draco only wanted to wander around the halls at night, but he found something he certainly would rather not testify to.It's not comedy





	How Come Your Arms Are Not Around Me

**Author's Note:**

> I don't care if Ginny's name is wrong: I hate her. 
> 
> Another thing: I don't know the Hogwarts plant, I'm sorry

 

  
  
_How come your arms are not around me_  
_I said i'm the one_  
_The one to hold you_  
_But i guess he said that too_  
_No surprise_

 

_I like you._

I shouldn't have heard that.

I shouldn't have witnessed that.

I shouldn't have... I didn't mean to...

I knew it, I always knew. But knowing doesn't make it any less painful.

Unlike.

Knowing only made it hurt.

It was purely a coincidence that I passed in front of the astronomy tower. And I just spent the moment that... In time to see... To listen...

I wasn't spying, I didn't want to keep hearing things behind the door, but...The tone of his voice, coming from the inside, through the ajar door, made me stop unconsciously. And when I gave myself to, my hands were sweaty and tremmied lightly; My eyes threatened to shed tears and my legs didn't obey me, forcing me to stay there a little longer.

_Did you hear that? I said I like you, Ginny._

_Oh, Harry. Me_ _too..._

When I was able to regain control of my body, I walked out fast from behind the door, my feet moving on my own, seeming that they had life of their own. I just stopped running when I was away from the stairs. I took a deep breath, my body then seemed powerless, I sat on the floor, my back slipping through the cold wall and my feet making contact with the hard ground. I breathed, trying at all costs to hold the tears that threatened to come out.

I didn't want to see he right now. I really didn't want to.

It wasn't his fault. It's not the fault of the Weasley female either.

He loved her and she loved him back.

None of them were guilty.

So it was my fault? I was guilty of loving _The-Boy-Who-lived_? It didn't seem fair.

Maybe I was guilty of witnessing the moment that Potter finally admitted what he felt and kissed Ginnerva, even if this was not my intention. But loving him was wrong? Is that why it hurt so much? But just as none of them simply chose to love each other, I didn't choose to love him. I didn't choose to experience how much it hurt...

All I wanted was...

"Draco?"

All I wanted was to be alone for a while.

So why does Pansy have to show up and come running towards me? I got up quickly, clearing the corners of the eyes discretely. I turned to her, messing up my hair and leaning against the wall of the corridor, in a half-played pose.

"Pansy, baby! I missed you."

"Where were you?" She asked suspicion, passing her arms around my neck.

"I just went to the bathroom." I replied smiling.

And _God_ , how it hurts to smile. But I had to. Pansy was like Blaise, who would leave me alone when something happened. No. If she had the slightest suspicion, Pansy would be bothering me until I told her what I had in mind.

And that was the last thing I needed right now.

"Draco? Did you hear me?"

"Hm?"

"You need to stop this." She meant it.  My heart hit harder. Did she know? She

"What are you-"

"Stop getting lost in thoughts. I don't like seeing you like this, honey." Pansy clarified, biting his lips of concern. "Let's go to the common room. The boys said they're having a party tonight. Why don't you come? It's going to be like before when we..."

I started to get away from her.

"I'm sorry, Pansy. But... I have to go to the library to finish the potions job."

"But the baby..."

"See You, Honey."

I replied by waving and descending the stairs quickly.

Of course I wouldn't go to the library. Not a chance. Not now.

Instead, I went to the lake. At that time and at that temperature, no one would go there.

I sat on the grass, leaning over the thick trunk of a tree. I began to play small stones, and every stone that shocked in the water, more depressed I felt.

And then the tears I've been holding since I witnessed that scene no longer wanted to get stuck and started coming out, quietly dripping down my face. Time or another was accompanied by a low hiccup.

The words were still echoed in my head, and the scene repeated without stopping, like one movie.

But the worst was not remembering the declaration, nor the candy kiss warm that followed.

The worst was remembering the look. From the gaze of the holy Harry and to know that he would never be, that he could never be addressed to me.

I'm so pathetic. Weeping hidden by a love that I knew could never be reciproced.

But what could I do? Lock up everything I'm feeling right now inside me and throw the key away? I've done this before. All this time, for all these years, I've basically locked my feelings deep inside, hidden and piling up more and more. And here's the result. All coming back at once, looking like it was going to crush me.

And amazingly enough, I don't doubt a bit of that happening. I felt a kind of weight on my chest, and every hiccup I tried to contain, with every new tear, this weight seemed to make an ever-increasing pressure. I felt almost as if suffocated.

Everything would be so much easier if I could control my emotions like my father.

As the tears continued to come out, I saw alternate scenarios in front of me. Now I was in the Hall of the Great Hall, observing Harry and Ginnerva together, now I was sitting in the lake, staring at the water illuminated only by the moonlight.

I was slipping a little, and when I supported my hands on the ground, feeling the soft grass on my skin, so I could sit more erect, I felt something in my left hand.

Flowers.

Lily Flowers. 

That made me realize I was thinking too much. Or rather, that I was feeling too much. All right, I know I'm not a robot or anything to stop me from feeling, but also... It's not like I don't have anything else.

Harry was my first love, always will be.

So he didn't love me? It would be just as it always was, I would settle for the mere fact of having it around me, hating me and following me all over Hogwarts.

For the start of conversation, I never reserved hopes. I never expected more than that. I always knew this day would come.

Just... It was a little too painful when you arrived.

Perhaps the only hope I dared to maintain was that it took as much time as possible for that moment to happen.

But I can still make him angry, I can still laugh at his expense, and I'm still the only one who knows the secret side of him. Side that only an enemy would know.

Even if it's painful to witness the person you love the most, with her loving someone, thinking that way, hasn't it been exactly like that for years? What happened today may have blown up everything I've accumulated all this time, but it hasn't changed that reality.

The weight on my chest seemed to relieve a little. It seemed until I had had a great epifany now.

I held the flowers, but I never looked at them. I held them firmly in one hand, and I embraced my legs, hiding my face on my knees.

I had no more definite thoughts. Neither depressed, nor optimistic, nor conformist. Nothing. Do you know when it seems that your mind gets tired of working and you're simply in a state of pure melancholy and discouragement?

I don't know how long I was like this, but I ended up being "awakened" by something icy falling on my neck.

I raised my head and realized what it was.

I didn't want to go back to the common room now, I could stay much longer here at the lake, but... It's okay to freeze in the cold, it's no big deal, but the rain was impossible to ignore.

Then, when the first drops began to fall, I lifted off the ground and went back to the castle.

I walked without any haste, the icy drops of the rain now mingling with the salty tears that insisted on sticking out.

Before entering the room, I passed my hand through my eyes, trying to keep them clean.

"Malfoy? What the fuck were you doing in the rain?" Harry said excried, as soon as I entered the room, all drenched and trembling with cold

Yes, I think my attempt to cease the tears did not give much result, because when I lifted my face and stared at Harry, with my vision again blurred, he seemed to be surprised. Very surprised.

"Malf-Draco? What happened?" he asked as he approached slowly, with a towel in his hand. I think it was the towel I had dumped on the bed earlier.

And surprisingly, I started to laugh. It wasn't forced from when I spoke to Pansy, and that was the strangest. I didn't know why, but I couldn't to hold the weak, low laughter that escaped my lips.

I laughed and cried at the same time.

This sure surprised and scared Harry.

I took the towel from his hands, I spoke and I was surprised that my voice did not come out trembling

"I am a fool. That's just it."

"Malfoy, seriously! What happened to you? Why did you..." I didn't let him finish.

"You don't have to worry. Tomorrow I'll be back to normal. "

Of course he wouldn't accept that as an answer, but he didn't have much choice. Because I didn't even give him time to say anything else, I went to the bathroom and locked the door, plugging the shower right after.

I knew that just standing next to him wouldn't be enough for me to be happy.

But who cares about my happiness?

Not me.

At least not as much as I care about his.

 


End file.
